Llamas

Somebody gave me this topic to write about. But, you know. Llamas.

Apparently some people keep them as guard animals. Wouldn't that be a shock for a burglar?
"Oh, I'll just take this tv here.. Oh look, an iPad, and... What's that, galloping towards me through the mist? It seems... Fluffy... OH GOD! OH GOD! I'D RUN, BUT I DON'T HAVE LEGS ANY MORE! THE LLAMA ATE THEM! ATE THEM WITH HIS FEARSOME JAWS!"

Ahem. Sorry about that.

I like llamas. I'd quite like one. Wait, can you ride a llama like a horse? I don't know. I hope so. I could ride my llama to school every morning, and leave him in the bike shed during the day. No, wait, I wouldn't. I'd take him inside with me, and whenever anybody asked about him I'd just look at them strangely and say 'llama? What llama?'

So, with that, I shall impart some wisdom.

Here is a secret rite from the beginning of time. Come closer so I can whisper it to you. Closer. No, seriously, closer than that.

Okay, back off a bit, you're in my personal space. Stop it. You smell weird.

Right, there we go. What I'm going to tell you is this- inside every person, there is an inner llama.

You see that businessman walking around, with a shirt and tie? His inner llama is pinstriped with a long neck.

See that girl with headphones and a hoodie? Her llama has black, green and purple fur. And ear plugs.

From now on, whenever you meet somebody, you won't just see the outside. Imagine what their inner llama looks like.

What does YOUR inner llama look like?

Whenever you're nasty (to other people or yourself) your inner llama cries a single tear. A tear, which dissolves his/her fur like acid. Acid that smells of jelly beans.

Hear that? You need to be kind to other people and yourself, or your inner llama will be completely bald and trapped in the stench of jelly beans.

You don't want that.

Do you?

Right, now go away. You're still in my personal space.

And you smell of jelly beans and llamas.